This Love Will Be Your Downfall
by christmasinacup
Summary: Daniel has an adverse reaction to his medication and decides something drastic must be done to rid his mind of Natalie, once and for all. Caroline is hesitant but supportive. Daroline-central, not Datalie.
1. walk away (but still she stays)

The sound of breaking glass stopped her.

Caroline had woken up in the middle of the night, desperately needing a drink of water. She got up, went into the bathroom, and came back to realize that Daniel was gone. She wouldn't have thought anything of it, but he had been acting strange lately. They had spent of all yesterday together, and he had been shaking. She knew that he was taking his meds, because they had gone back to the doctor together a few weeks before when she had found out he was still seeing Natalie. She watched him take a pill almost every night.

She pulled her robe over her nightie and tied it, walking down the hallway. And that's when she heard it.

"No! Stay away!"

"Daniel?" Caroline started to run. Something in Daniel's voice sounded very afraid, and not of a hallucination, but of something real.

She ran into the living room and saw Daniel holding up her coffee table book on Impressionism like it was a weapon. The glass dish that usually held fruit was in shards on the floor, the apples nestled among the glittering fragments of glass.

"Stay away from me!," he yelled. She looked around the room frantically, but no one was there.

"Daniel?," she whispered, carefully placing her hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at her, his eyes wild.

"Caroline," he breathed, putting down the book. He wrapped his arms around her and she felt his entire body shaking, even worse than yesterday.

"Something is wrong," he whispered into her hair. "Very, very wrong."

When she finally calmed him down, they sat on the couch and he explained everything to her. Caroline tried to hold his hands and soothe him, but he was still trembling too much.

"I'm taking my meds, I swear I am," Daniel said, running a shaky hand through his hair and tugging on it. "And she's the only one I see. But she's different now… she's sad and lonely."

"What does she say to you? Does she threaten you?"

He shook his head, staring at the floor. "No, no. She… she just stands there, tears running down her face, pleading with me. Pleading for…"

"For what, Daniel?," Caroline asked softly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

Daniel looked into Caroline's eyes. "For me to make a choice. But every time I say that I've chosen you, she just shakes her head and stands there."

"Why were you yelling at her?"

"Because, I… I want her to leave me alone!," Daniel muttered, frustrated. He stood up and started to pace. "I know she isn't real, and I just want… I want to be with you." He took Caroline's hand and pulled her up to stand in front of him.

Daniel cupped Caroline's cheek. "I love you, Caroline. I want to be with you, not Natalie. You are real and you are here and I want you."

Caroline sighed and kissed him tenderly.

"I love you too," she whispered. "We'll figure this out, okay? I promise."

He nodded, pulling her into his arms. "Okay."

* * *

There will another chapter up soon, sorry that this one is a bit short! This fic was requested by Greta forever ago, and here it finally is! :) Feedback would be greatly appreciated.


	2. love is the drug

They sat in the waiting room of Daniel's psychiatrist's office the next morning, both quite solemn. Caroline had taken the day off, and Daniel had canceled his classes. To any bystander, they looked like a normal couple, maybe even a married one. She wore a royal blue coat, a gray cashmere sweater, jeans, and tall brown boots, with her hair in a low ponytail. He wore a peacoat, flannel shirt, jeans, and converse sneakers, clutching his briefcase to his chest with one hand, the other holding tightly onto Caroline's hand.

"Daniel Pierce?"

They stood together, walking into the office, united by their clasped hands. Daniel saw Natalie watching out of the corner of his eye and almost dropped his briefcase. She looked at him sadly, then turned and walked away.

"Dr. Newsome, I'm surprised to see you here with Daniel," Dr. Grant said.

"We've been seeing each other for a few months now," Caroline said, cutting right to the chase. "I'm here for support."

"Is your medication not working, Daniel?"

"No. Well, it – it was. I was still able to teach, do my puzzles, and keep to my routines without feeling foggy. I wasn't seeing any of my hallucinations and could still help the FBI… but then I started to see her again. Natalie."

"She is the only hallucination?"

Daniel nodded. "Yes." He was trying his best not to fidget, but he couldn't help it.

"And what does she say and do?"

"She..." Daniel took a deep breath. "She begs me to choose. She cries and tells me that I have to choose, that it's the only way for both of us to be happy."

"Choose between her and Caroline?"

Daniel nodded, taking another shaky breath. "Yes. But I tell her that I've chosen, and still she stays."

Dr. Grant frowned. "Well, that's unusual. I don't think I've ever heard of anything like this before. I'm going to slightly increase your dosage, and talk to some colleagues of mine about your situation."

"Okay," Daniel mumbled. He stood up to leave, but Caroline hung back.

"Lee," she whispered, placing her hand on his arm. "Please, make this your top priority. Consult the best you can. This is – it's tearing him apart. It's very unhealthy for him and I fear that he might take matters into his own hands and try to go off his meds again."

"I will, Caroline. For now, just keep an eye on him. And tell him to take two pills instead of one."

Caroline nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Lee."

Outside, Daniel sat on a bench, waiting for Caroline to bring the car around. He didn't like parking garages.

"Daniel."

He turned and saw Natalie siting at the other end of the bench. His eyes widened and he jumped up.

"Go away," he said quietly, trying not to draw attention to himself. Natalie glanced at the empty street and sighed.

"You're doing this to yourself, you know." She looked sad, but also slightly angry. "You can make me go away. If you had really chosen, I wouldn't be here. But there is still a lingering doubt, I can see it in your eyes."

"No," Daniel said firmly. He shook his head. "You once told me to tell Caroline that she means more to me than you do. I did. You don't belong in my head anymore, Natalie."

"Oh, Daniel," she stood up and took a step towards him, caressing his cheek. "I will always be in your mind. Always."

She walked away, and Daniel just stood there.

How could something he once loved turn into such an evil drug?

xxxx

Daniel had doubled how many pills he was taking, and for a few days, it worked. On Tuesday afternoon, Daniel and Lewicki were grading papers when Daniel heard that all too familiar voice.

"Daniel."

He sighed and looked up at her. She was wearing jeans and a black sweater, and she looked smug. Daniel's hand began to shake, and before he could hide it, Lewicki noticed.

"Doc, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Lewicki," Daniel said, waving his hand. "But I could go for more tea."

Lewicki smiled and stood up. "Of course, doc," he said with a laugh. Typical Daniel, always forgetting the 'please.'

Natalie glanced at Daniel knowingly.

"How have you been, Daniel? It's been a couple days since we've seen each other."

"Natalie, you need to leave me alone. It's been a few days because my dosage has been increased."

"That's not going to keep me away. Face it, you can't function without me. I'm just trying to keep you from having another breakdown."

"It's because of you that I'm… that I'm having these breakdowns!," Daniel said, exasperated. "You need to leave me alone at let me be happy."

"Oh, Daniel," she whispered, bending down and putting her face so close to his that her hair tickled his nose. "You're only happy when you have me."

"Here's your tea, doc," Lewicki said, reentering the room. Daniel froze.

"You okay?," Lewicki asked as he set the tea down in front on Daniel. Daniel nodded, turning back to the paper he was reading.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a fleeting migraine… it's the damn pills, they make it hard to sleep and then I get headaches."

Lewicki smiled, pleased to hear that Daniel was taking his pills. He knew Caroline was monitoring Daniel, but it was till good to hear.

"Are you enjoying my pain, Lewicki?," Daniel asked, disgruntled.

"No, doc. Let me know if you want some Tylenol."

Daniel waved it off. "No, I'm fine. Let's just finish these papers, I know you have a date tonight."

Lewicki just nodded and returned to reading the stack of papers in front of him. Natalie looked at Daniel from the corner of the room, just shaking her head.

_No lying,_ she mouthed at him before turning the corner and disappearing. Daniel's hand began to shake once more, and he hid it under the table.

Later that night, Caroline and Daniel sat on his bed and he told her all about his encounter with Natalie. He hated to ruin her evening, especially since he had planned to surprise her with tickets to a museum exhibit and a nice dinner. She looked so beautiful in her cobalt blue coat, black boots, and gray sweater dress, with her hair down and parted to the side. The hair made her look like Natalie, which is why he had to ask her several times who she was. He wished he hadn't, because he saw the hurt in her eyes the second he did.

"Daniel, we need to get to the bottom of this," Caroline said softly, taking his hand. "I can't watch you suffer anymore. I got some phone numbers from some of my more… unorthodox colleagues, and I –"

"What does that mean?," Daniel asked, suspicious. Caroline sighed, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"Hypnosis and hypnotherapy," she said. Before he could react, she continued. "Daniel, please just try it. You're not happy, and I can't bear to see you like this."

"You should just leave me," Daniel said quietly, dropping her hand. "I can see how difficult this is for you, to have to compete with a woman who isn't real, to have to deal with a boyfriend who doesn't know if you're in his imagination or not. It's tiring and stressful, and you shouldn't have to carry my burden."

"Daniel, no," Caroline said firmly, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I am here for you, no matter what."

"I love you," he whispered, staring into her blue-gray eyes. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she said, kissing him gently. "I'm, not going anywhere, okay?"

He nodded. "Okay."


	3. friends with the monster

I hope y'all have been enjoying this little story - in case I forgot to mention it, the title is inspired by the Ellie Goulding song 'This Love (Will Be Your Downfall).' This chapter is a bit short, but there will be a much longer one after it, I promise!

* * *

Daniel packed back and forth in his office after his Friday morning class, trying to think of what he could do. How could he prove once and for all that he loved Caroline, and erase even the tiniest bit of doubt in his subconscious?

"Don't ask her to marry you," Natalie said from the couch. Daniel spun around.

"Goddamnit, Natalie!"

"I know what you were thinking. You can't ask her to marry you; you've only known each other for a few months. And when you get to know her better, you'll realize that she isn't me. You've known me for years, Daniel. We know everything about each other – favorite sports teams, biggest successes, darkest secrets. All you know is that she went to University of Michigan and has bad taste in music."

"Hey, only I get to say that," Daniel said, pointing his finger at her. "Don't you dare talk about her like that."

Natalie stood up. "Fight for her _harder_, Daniel. You're barely trying."

"Daniel?"

Daniel turned back to the door and saw Kate standing there in her coat, a file in hand. She looked confused.

"Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

He shook his head. "No, not at all. Do we have a case?"

"Yeah, but –"

Daniel grabbed his briefcase, coat, and scarf, steering Kate out of his office. "Great. Let's get some tea and you can catch me up."

Kate smiled. "Okay. You sure are eager, for someone who doesn't even know what the case is."

"I don't care," Daniel said as they walked down the hall. "You know I always love a good puzzle."

xxxx

"I solved it."

"Solved what, Daniel?"

Daniel had spent a few hours working with Kate before catching a cab to Caroline's office.

"It's so simple, I don't know why I didn't see it before," he muttered, sitting down in a chair across from her desk. Caroline was writing notes from a previous appointment in her datebook.

"See what, Daniel?," Caroline asked. "Does this have to do with a case?"

"No." He leaned forward and smiled at her. "I figured out what to do about Natalie."

Caroline's eyes widened and she put down her pen. "What?"

He nodded. "The answer is simple: I have to treat her like a real person. How to real people disappear, once and for all? They die."

Caroline looked confused. "Wait, you lost me."

"I looked up the doctor you gave me the number for, the one who does the hypnotherapy crap – Doctor Stilton, Stillwell, something like that. Anyway, one of his theories is that what we see in our minds is just as real as what we experience in the world – therefore, to end a certain nightmare of recurrence, we need to approach it like it's a real-life situation. Most of his studies have to do with conquering fears, but maybe he knows something about this."

"Hmm." Caroline seemed hesitant. "I'll set up an appointment. It's definitely worth a shot, if you think it might work." She wasn't used to seeing Daniel buy into such alternative methods.

Daniel tapped her desk. "I already did. Monday morning, 10 am. I canceled my classes for the day."

"Well then, I'll clear my schedule too. I'm going with you."

She smiled kindly, and Daniel's heart sank. _What if it didn't work?_


	4. let her go

Monday morning. 9:54 am. Caroline pulled into a parking spot next to the small office. Doctor Stillwell was an alternative hypnotherapist whose office looked more like a house than a medical building.

She put in the car in park, turned the key in the ignition and placed it in her purse before looking over at him. Daniel hadn't slept in almost 48 hours, and he was clutching his herbal tea like it had 8 shots of espresso.

"How are you feeling?," Caroline asked quietly, putting her hand on his shoulder. Her voice was soothing and beautiful. Daniel just sighed.

"Anxious. Trying not to get my hopes up."

They got out of the car and Caroline took his free hand.

"Me too. I want it to work just as much as you, but it's an alternative method at best."

Daniel let out one of his amused scoffs. "At best."

They checked in with the dreadlocked receptionist and sat in the same waiting room from a few days before.

"Now, I'll probably have to wait out here," Caroline whispered to Daniel. He nodded.

"I can handle it myself, Caroline, I'm not a child." He paused. "Sorry, that was… blunt. I'll be okay, I promise." He smiled at her warmly and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

Caroline closed her eyes and savored the kiss. Daniel squeezed her hand and grinned, and for a moment, he looked like his usual zany self, not a tortured man fighting for his sanity.

"I love you," Caroline whispered to him. He nodded, kissing her cheek again.

"I love you too," he murmured.

The door opened and Doctor Stillwell appeared.

"Daniel, nice to see you again."

Daniel stood up, slowly dropping Caroline's hand. He nodded at the doctor.

"Hello."

Doctor Stillwell smiled at Caroline. "Miss Newsome, nice to see you again. He should be done in less than an hour, hopefully."

Caroline nodded and watched Daniel go, praying that everything would get worked out. She would fight with all she had for Daniel, but it wasn't her emotional strength she was worried about. It was his.

xxxx

Daniel sat down on the well-worn couch and explained his idea to Doctor Stillwell.

"Hmmm. Kill a hallucination in your mind?"

"Maybe," Daniel said. "I don't even know if it's possible. Or if it's healthy – seeing as how Natalie looks exactly like Caroline."

"It's doable, we'll just have to control the situation very carefully," Doctor Stillwell said, taking down some notes on his clipboard. Daniel fidgeted. He liked to be in control; he hated to give control to others. Especially this stranger who practiced a form of therapy Daniel usually thought was crap.

"Okay," Daniel said, sighing.

"Alright, why don't we start by setting some ground rules. Do you want her death to be violent, or tragic? An accident, or do you want to be the one to end her life?"

"I need to do it," Daniel said firmly. "That's the only way it can be real. I know it's morbid, and it will be hard, given her appearance, but… I think it's what I need to do. Right?"

"What do you feel is best?"

Daniel stifled a groan, already having second thoughts. He hated when shrinks answered questions with another question.

"I'll do it."

"Okay. Daniel, why don't you lay down, and we'll begin."

Daniel laid down on the couch and crossed his arms on his chest, closing his eyes. He could hear Doctor Stillwell writing something down, then clearing this throat.

"Take five deep breaths. Now imagine you're floating in the ocean. Let the waves rock you back and forth gently, like a piece of seaweed. I'm going to count backwards from ten. When I reach 1, you will be on bench in a park, with Caroline. Nod your head if you understand."

Daniel nodded, already feeling sleepy, his eyelids heavy.

"Ten…. Nine…. Eight…. Seven… Six…. Five…. Four… Three… Two… One. Do you see the park? Describe it to me."

"Yes. I'm on a bench near a bike path. Natalie and I walked this path all the time. I remember last year, when she told me that we never went to a Tears For Fears concert I thought we went to… I was crushed."

"Good. Where is Caroline?"

"She's about 25 yards up the path, petting someone's dog. She's always wanted one, but she has terrible allergies."

"Now, do you see Natalie?"

"I do. She's walking towards me."

"Does she look angry?"

"Yes... and sad."

"Daniel, you can't see it, but Natalie is holding a gun. She's going to threaten you to break up with Caroline or she will go kill her. You have a gun tucked into the back of your jeans. When Natalie gets to be about ten feet away from you, you need to pull it out and shoot her."

"Okay."

"Is she closer?"

"Yes. I'm pulling out the gun. She's scared."

"You need to shoot her, Daniel. Do it now."

"I just pulled the trigger. She dropped to the ground. No one around me noticed."

"Good job. What's happening now?"

"Her body is slowly fading away. Caroline is walking back over to me. She's taking my arm, talking to me about hypoallergenic dogs."

"Good. Now, I want you to sit on the next bench you see and lie down. When you do, count backwards from ten. When you hit one, you will wake up in my office, calm and safe, with no feelings of anxiety towards Natalie. She is dead, and you will never see her again. Do you understand?"

"Yes. Ten… Nine…. Eight…."

xxxx

Caroline sat in the waiting room, trying to kill time by cleaning out her email inbox in her phone. Daniel had been in there for an hour, and she was worried.

The door opened and Caroline dropped her phone into her purse, standing up. She saw Daniel emerge, looking calm. No tremors, no nervous mannerisms. He wasn't clutching his briefcase as if he was afraid someone would steal it, but instead it was slung across his shoulder.

"Hey," Daniel said, smiling at her. He wrapped her in his arms for a brief hug and kissed her hair. Caroline smiled, and then looked at Doctor Stillwell, who was right behind Daniel.

"How did it go?," she asked, letting go of Daniel, who went to go check out with the receptionist.

"Good," Doctor Stillwell said quietly to her. "The effects of the hypnosis will start to wear off tonight, and he will fully come to terms with what happened. He might go through a grieving period, as if a friend of his has actually died. You need to pretend she was real, and aid him during this time. He and I talked after he woke up, and he promised to tell you or Mr. Lewicki if he ever sees Natalie again. Now, in his hypnotic state, he shot Natalie..."

Caroline covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh my god."

"It was the only way. This might be a traumatic period for him, so if it gets too hard to handle, please call me. You can consult with his psychiatrist, but in these cases I usually advise patients to continue their medications. He should see his regular doctor next week; I will email that doctor my notes by the end of the week."

"Thank you, Doctor Stillwell," Caroline said, hooking her bag over her shoulder. "I'm going to take him home now."

They walked back to the car in silence, and before Caroline started the car, Daniel leaned over and kissed her.

"I did it all for you," he whispered to her. She smiled softly.

"I know, and I'll never forget that, Daniel."

"I love you, so much."

"I love you too."

* * *

I struggled a lot with how to write this scene, and I must have re-written it about 5 times, so I hope y'all like it. Feedback is greatly appreciated.


	5. don't look back

Second-to-last chapter, and it's a shorty! Enjoy :)

* * *

Three nights later, Daniel was on his own for the first time. Caroline had a two-day conference in New York, so Lewicki was in charge of Daniel's care. It had been hard for her to go, but she had been signed up for the conference for almost five months. And, as Daniel kept reminding her, he was a big boy and would be okay on his own.

Daniel was getting ready for bed when he got a text from Caroline. It took him a few minutes to remember how to reply.

_Caroline Newsome: Goodnight, Daniel. Call me if you need anything, okay?_

_Daniel Pierce: I'm fine, don't worry. Lewicki is here. You just focus on your lecture tomorrow._

_Caroline Newsome: Thank you._

_Daniel Pierce: Don't let me distract you. I promise I'll let you know if anything goes seriously wrong._

_Caroline Newsome: Okay. Love you._

_Daniel Pierce: Love you too. _

He turned off his phone, took his meds, and got in bed, feeling tired. Every movement in his house felt odd, which is why he had been staying at Caroline's for the last few days. She offered to let him stay there will she was out of town, but he knew he needed to face his own house eventually. He remembered sitting on the stairs next to Natalie, or watching a baseball game with her on the couch. The pillar she had been leaning against when he told her that he loved her was so hard to look at; he was contemplating getting it torn out.

Her death was hazy to him, but he knew she was gone. He knew that he had been a part of it, and that it had been necessary, because she was going to hurt Caroline. He only person he cared about more in this world than Kate was Caroline, and he would've done anything to protect her.

But still, it hurt to lose a friend. He had more than twenty years of memories with Natalie, and they meant nothing anymore. Caroline promised him that they would create new memories, together. But it was strange to feel like you had known someone for twenty years when you had only known her for nine months.

As he drifted off, he thought about Caroline, and how he wished he were sleeping beside her.

"Daniel."

He opened his eyes and saw Natalie, dressed all in black.

"Nat, you're dead. What are you doing?," he asked groggily. His bedside clock read 4:12 am.

"I wanted us to have a real goodbye, so I could tell that I understand why you did it and I'm sorry. I caused you so much pain, and I'll never be able to make up for that."

"I forgive you," he whispered. "And I'm sorry it had to end the way it did."

"But it had to end. Nothing can last forever," she whispered sadly. She leaned in, kissed his forehead, and sighed. "Goodbye, Daniel."

"Goodbye," he whispered, watching her slowly fade away, like her body did when he shot her. "Goodbye, Natalie Vincent."

And just like that, she was gone. Forever.


	6. looking up (well, finally)

Here's the last chapter! It's another shorty, sorry. I hope you guys enjoyed this story and didn't feel it was too OOC.

* * *

"Daniel, breakfast!"

Daniel emerged from Caroline's bedroom shirtless, wearing a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a big grin.

"I finished that Sudoku book," he said proudly, kissing Caroline on the cheek and taking the cup of green tea she was holding out to him.

"Already?! I just got that for you two weeks ago, at the airport. It has 200 puzzles!"

"Yep," Daniel said with a smile, sitting down at the kitchen table. Caroline smiled and sat down across from him, sipping her coffee.

"Hey, I have a crazy idea," Daniel said. Caroline laughed, her blue-gray eyes shining with happiness. Daniel winked.

"What would you say to getting a dog?"

"Oh, Daniel, I wish I could, but my allergies…," she said wistfully.

"There are a lot of species that are hypoallergenic. I had Lewicki do some research for me," Daniel said, getting up and walking back into the bedroom to get his briefcase. He grabbed some papers and went back to the table. "Here."

Caroline flipped through the printouts of dog species that were hypoallergenic and didn't shed, her smile growing. She looked up at Daniel.

"Do you really mean it? Would you want to take care of it?"

"I think I could do it. I've been doing alright at taking care of myself lately, and I know it would make you happy."

Caroline grinned. "It's so nice to see you like this."

"Like what?"

"Happy. Excited. Full of life. It's been a month, and you're almost a different person."

"I am still very much the same. I do puzzles, give the same lectures, solve cases with Kate…"

"But your meds are working, and you haven't had any hallucinations."

Daniel nodded. "True." He hadn't told anyone, not even his shrink, about his last dream of Natalie. It was their goodbye, and his own personal closure.

He still kept to his schedule and his medications. He and Caroline were doing well, and he was happy in a way he never imagined for himself. They had developed a more regular, comfortable pattern of switching off whose house they stayed at than the strict schedule they had when they first starting dating. Now, it wasn't lunch on Mondays and Wednesdays, but lunch whenever it worked out. Marriage was far away, but moving in together was a possibility in the near future.

Every day, Daniel still ached for his friendship with Natalie. It had been unlike anything he ever had or would have with Caroline, Kate, or Lewicki. If she was still around, the life he had now would be impossible. So while he missed her, he knew that moving on was what was best.

So, for the first time in over twenty years, he hadn't seen her in 22 days. And he never would again.


End file.
